Over functioning can happen in many areas of your life including in relationships, social settings or at work. But what is it exactly and how is it different from being high functioning? Let’s talk about some signs, causes and how to address it.
People who are described as “high-functioning” are usually goal driven, responsible, very productive. They are organized and flexible and can handle stress effectively. But sometimes people who appear to be, or consider themselves, high-functioning can actually be over-functioning.
Over-functioning is when a person is doing more than what is necessary, taking on too much and/or trying to control things; and it begins to have an impact on their well-being.
“When you over-function, you try to “fix” or “rescue” situations and people, because you fear that if you don’t, no one will. Overfunctioning can masquerade as helpfulness.” (Wilding, Melody. “8 Signs You’re Over-Functioning At Work (And How To Avoid Inevitable Burnout.” Melody Wilding. www.melodywilding.com/8-signs-that-you-are-over-functioning-at-work/#:~:text=What%20is%20Over%2Dfunctioning%3F,Overfunctioning%20can%20masquerade%20as%20helpfulness.)
Some signs that a person is over-functioning can include:
- Unable to relax
- Volunteering to take responsibilities or duties of others
- Feeling the need to control everything
- Resistant to asking for help
- Always feeling exhausted
Over-functioning can stem from a pressure to do things a certain way, because some people fear making mistakes and the consequences those mistakes could lead to. This can come from so many places… especially from childhood where well meaning parents constantly corrected you, so you tried to get ahead of the perceived criticism or receiving attention or praise mostly when you were helpful or being the harmonizer in your family when there was lots of chaos or being high achieving was very rewarded and this is where you derive your worth… the list goes on and on! And not because parents were bad, just life circumstances and your natural tendencies/capabilities can set this up.
You might have a very real belief that if you don’t do certain things, no one will do them, so you have to. And, it’s true that if you stop over-functioning, there will be things that fall apart, there will be people who don’t like it. But at a certain point in time, you’re faced with the decision: either you’re going to do it all and be it all and be exhausted or you’re going to start to let go and see what the actual truth is (what people are actually capable of, what actually needs to be done and what doesn’t) so you can adjust and regain some balance.
It’s definitely going to be uncomfortable, but so is feeling resentful, exhausted, unsupported by carry all the weight with no end in sight. If you over function, other people will under function. Sometimes that will be because they generally under function and that makes you a good match. Or it will be because they can do their part because you’re already handling it. Over functioning can happen emotionally (being responsible for how other people feel, over understanding), logistically (taking care of life details, driving to them, making plans, organizing), financially, physically (chores, child care, work), etc.
When you start to scale back, you’ll find that some people are no longer a match in your life. And you’ll see other people step into the relationship more and things will rebalance.
Becoming more aware of when you are over-functioning is the first step because most people do not realize they are doing it at all. If your mental health is being affected by all the things you are doing, and all the things that you are responsible for, then it can be time to take a step back and reassess.
If you feel like you may be over-functioning, and you know it’s time to make a change, contact us, we can help.
