Working with human nature, not against it.
You read that correctly. A sheep in wolf’s clothing. Jealousy gets villainized. It is regarded as unbecoming. And, I get that. But let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater… This post is #8 in a series of 10: Ten Basic Emotions and their Messages. Before we start, let’s quickly set the...
No one enjoys feeling guilty. It might be hard to believe there could be anything helpful about it. There is. It tells you something about the kind of person you are. There is even actually something helpful about shame, which seems like a relative of guilt. Stay tuned to hear about that, or better...
I know. It feels like you are. You feel guilty about it. But, really, the fact that you feel guilty about getting annoyed a lot reveals that is not your true nature. You see, guilt is an indication that you have travelled outside the range of your values, ethics and true essence. So, if...
There doesn’t seem to be anything redeeming about disappointment. It’s not exactly a feeling one appreciates. But there actually IS a gift inherent in disappointment. This post is #4 in a series of 10: Ten Basic Emotions and their Messages. The central point is: The human emotional system is built as a messaging system. Each...
Willingness. It is the one thing that determines how successful my clients are in therapy, and ultimately, in their life. Why? Because it is a state of openness. Ultimately, if there is a challenge showing up, it is happening because there is an adjustment needed. A lesson wants to be learned. A shift wants...
Why is dealing with tears so hard sometimes? People apologize for their tears in therapy all the time. They say “I told myself I wasn’t going to cry today”. Or I will see them actively try to stop their tears. And this is IN THERAPY. Where tears are actually part of the expected terrain....
We use this format of healing all the time: talking with people we trust. So, why not talk with your trusted friend? Why pay money to talk with a therapist or coach? If you find the right therapist, it should feel like talking to a trusted friend. Here are 2 reasons why therapy works...
Do you ever feel like you are doing all the work? Having the SAME discussion all the time and there are no changes? What if I told you that there is a finite amount of emotional space? When you are all over the emotional space of an issue, you might be crowding it. This...
Do you remember the last time you flipped out over something that doesn’t seem like a big deal in retrospect? We all do it sometimes. “Losing it” looks different for different people. For some people it looks like becoming super defensive. It can look like lashing out at someone, shutting down, being destructive or...
Feelings don’t exactly have a good reputation in terms of being accurate, so I know they might be hard to trust. How can you trust your feelings? The best place to start (bear with me for 2 seconds) is by understanding a basic tenet of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The idea is that thoughts, feelings...