Therapy grounded in real inner work and genuine human connection.
It’s a big decision and investment to start therapy. So we want to give you a little information on what to expect so that you can go in with awareness and clarity. The first 6 sessions The first part of therapy is getting the …
If you’re human, you use defense mechanisms even though you might not consciously know it; and so does everyone you know. And when you can actually see them, your communication, problem solving skills, emotional health and relationships improve. Let’s break this down – what they …
Social media, whether we like it or not, has an impact on the therapy world. In therapy, we often educate our clients about mental health, family dynamics, and emotional wellness. We normalize and validate experiences to create a platform for the work you come to therapy to do. Now a lot of that is also happening on social media, so that first part of creating a platform for the work starts happening outside of sessions or before you even start therapy. This can really add to the efficiency of therapy.
What’s helpful is when clients get high quality information and bring questions about it to session so we can work with you on unpacking how that information does or doesn’t apply to you and your family.
These are the top 3 Instagram accounts we refer clients to:
We love this account because there is high quality comprehensive information about trauma, family dynamics, relationships, emotional and nervous system regulation. In addition to sharing helpful information on her account, Dr. Nicole LePera also has a podcast, YouTube channel, blog and a book that may be very helpful for our clients.
This account curates excellent information from a number of different accounts that speak to body based therapies and information about self regulation, emotional health and healing trauma. Here you will find information about events and trainings, as well as helpful tips about how to cope using somatic experiencing techniques.
There is a lot of information out there on parenting and the best sources are going to be ones that align with your parenting philosophy and your child’s temperament. But don’t stress… you don’t have to know what your “parenting philosophy” is, simply consider how posts generally align with what feels right to you. It’s OK for some ideas to feel activating at first, sometimes that means this is challenging and updating your beliefs. However, if everything feels like it has a rub for you, it might not be aligned for you and your family and that’s OK!
We love this one in particular because it provides helpful updates to some old school parenting techniques. Kristin (a parent coach), and Deena (child therapist/parent coach) are the two ladies behind this account and they are not only experts in their field, they are real moms dealing with the same real issues as every other parent. They are very relatable and help parents feel like they are not alone with their parenting struggles.
There will always be accounts on social media that share inaccurate information when it comes to mental health, so we encourage our clients to exercise caution when going online for guidance and help. That is why we are quick to share accounts that we find, and follow ourselves, that share quality, relevant information that can be helpful.
Being physically drained and emotionally drained are not the same thing. Even though they can sometimes look similar. Why is it helpful to know if you’re emotionally drained? It can save you a fight and it can help you take better care of yourself because …
Sometimes people do things that get under your skin and they usually aren’t doing them because they’re rude or annoying. More than likely it’s because they are responding to something intense in their internal world. Of course, it might annoy you and push your buttons, …
Have you heard someone say that a person is emotionally unavailable? Or maybe they have said that they are emotionally unavailable. This is a term that gets used a lot on social media so we thought we’d take a moment to clear it up and explain what it is.
“Emotional unavailability refers to someone who doesn’t respond to your emotional needs or cues. An emotionally unavailable man or woman has persistent difficulty expressing or handling emotions, and getting emotionally close to other people.” (Psych Central | How to Spot Emotional Unavailability: 5 Signs | Julie Marks and Sandra Silva Casabianca, September 24, 2021)
Sometimes people may be emotionally unavailable because they have a lot going on in their life and they don’t have the time, energy or desire to invest themselves emotionally; this is natural. Then there are people who are emotionally unavailable consistently and it’s due to past trauma, a mental health or personality disorder, or some other reason.
Being in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable can lead to you feeling insecure because they may not be affectionate, seem distant, or have trouble talking about feelings. In addition, if someone you care about is not responsive to your emotions, it can be hard to build trust or feel connected to them.
And, sometimes, you are that person! It’s OK! We’re all here to learn.
Often times this is something that’s easier to notice in other people. However, if you find yourself noticing it in a lot of others, it might be lurking somewhere for you. It’s important to be honest with yourself and assess your relationships and interactions and be willing to see the signs if they are there.
One of the signs is that you avoid commitment and/or labels. There is a fear of things getting too serious or for deeper connections to be established, so you keep things on the surface level so there aren’t too many emotions involved. You would prefer to just have casual relationships and if the other person expresses care for you, it makes you uncomfortable.
Another way to recognize this in yourself is if you withhold personal feelings and thoughts. “If you’ve found yourself unable or unwilling to share your feelings, you’re likely emotionally unavailable…this includes things like life goals, life regrets, wishes, hopes, and longings. While it may feel like you’re just “being careful” with the vulnerable details of your mind, you can’t create meaningful connections without taking some risks.” (Mindbodygreen.com | mbg relationships | Emotionally Unavailable: What It Means & 15 Signs To Look For | Gigi Engle)
Lastly, reflect on how you handle conflict with others. Are you willing to work through them and try to work it out or are you quick to cut people off? If the latter is true, then you may be emotionally unavailable because ending the relationship is easier than doing the emotional work to maintain the relationship; so to protect yourself you just let them go.
It is possible to manage this and change is possible if you are willing to work at it. Like with most emotional issues, it’s important to take it slow. “ True vulnerability takes time, and pushing yourself to open up before you’re ready can sometimes trigger distress or discomfort. A better approach? Small, gradual changes.” (Healthline | What It Really Means to Be Emotionally Unavailable | Crystal Raypole).
More than likely you built up walls or defenses over time that led you to being guarded with your emotions, so it’s unlikely you can break down those walls overnight, and that’s okay.
Identifying and taking responsibility for your own emotions is a good first step. Being in tune with what you are feeling before you share it with others can be helpful because you will feel less vulnerable. Keeping a journal of your feelings is one way you can get your emotions out and get comfortable with them on your own, and prepare yourself to let others in.
Communication is important, so be upfront with the people that you care about and tell them that expressing emotions is hard for you. If you find it difficult to talk to them then maybe it will be helpful to talk with a therapist. They can offer guidance, help you identify the causes and work with you to develop strategies to be more comfortable with your own emotions and receptive to the emotions of the people in your life.
“…the process of being in a therapeutic relationship with their therapist allows an emotionally unavailable person to experience, perhaps for the first time, how safe, rewarding, fulfilling and comforting it is to be emotionally available and present.” (All Relationship Matters: Relationship Counseling in Melbourne, Online and Telehealth | Understanding the Emotionally Unavailable)
Emotional unavailability, whether on your part or others, can be frustrating and lead to the breakdown of relationships. Meaningful relationships are built on emotional connections; if you are closed off emotionally then you may miss out on feeling connected, feeling loved, having fun, feeling supported in some of the most important relationships in your life.
There is no parent in the world that wakes up and says “I’m going to be a terrible parent today”. As a parent you are doing your very best, and sometimes it can seem like doing your best means that your parenting needs to be …
Knowing the way therapy with kids looks different than therapy with adults can help you feel more relaxed in the process of bringing your child to therapy. Once I point out the fact that there is a difference, it seems obvious. However, when you are …
In our last post we discussed nervous system regulation and how it can impact your mental and emotional health. Now let’s cover how to support your nervous system and develop habits to cope before stressful situations occur.
If you pay close attention to your body you will become in tune with how you feel when you are calm and in control, and how you feel when you are stressed and not in control.
‘Once you have a general understanding of your body’s “baseline,” you can notice the small ways stress impacts you physically.’ (Elemental.com | If There Was Ever a Time to Activate Your Vagus Nerve, It Is Now – Four simple steps to return to a ‘rest and digest’ state; Ashley Abramson, Apr 10, 2020)
Catching this early increases the chances of being able to regulate your nervous system; which means to allow it to complete it’s response.
Once your automatic nervous system is activated to respond to a stressor, you want to support your body in completing it’s response. Part of that process is having awareness of what is going on and activating the parasympathetic nervous system to repair, recover and integrate the stressful experience.
There are a number of ways you can support your nervous system in completing it’s response.
One way is to practice deep breathing. Focusing on inhaling slowly and a steady exhalation, sends a signal to the parasympathetic nervous system that will calm you down.
Heat can also have a calming effect. When you have a sore muscle you apply heat (like a heating pad or warm cloths) because it soothes your pain. Likewise, a warm bath can be soothing and trigger a calm reaction within your body. A warm blanket or heating pad has also been shown to reduce anxiety.
Another method is applying pressure or weight on the body. ‘Weight provides the brain with proprioceptive input, which can produce a calming and organizing effect on the central nervous system.’ (www.healthline.com – 6 Ways to Give Your Nervous System a Break; Crystal Hoshaw, February 9, 2021) A weighted blanket or vest can provide pressure that is calming and is similar to the feeling of being hugged or held.
There are things you can do to strengthen your parasympathetic nervous system. The stronger this branch of the nervous system gets, the easier it is to trigger it to reduce stress when it arises.
There are other benefits to a strong parasympathetic nervous system such as decreased blood pressure, positive effect on mood and a stronger immune system.
Here are some activities that you can participate in to strengthen your parasympathetic nervous system:
Your parasympathetic nervous system is known as the mode when you ‘rest and digest’. The more time you spend in this mode the healthier you are, especially given that there is so much demand and stress in daily life activating your sympathetic nervous system. Incorporating these activities and other strategies to cope with stressful situations can help restore balance in your body.
Identifying and working with your nervous system is something you can do on your own or together with a professional. But it does take your active and consistent participation.
If you are in therapy, knowing how to work with your nervous system means that the work you are doing in each session is more effective. So you are capitalizing on your time and financial investment and you get to see results in your physical health, emotional system, work life and relationships.
A small increase in awareness around this can go such a long way.
Do you ever try to take a relaxing moment to yourself, and then notice your brain is escaping to the never ending to do list, upcoming events, or a past mistake? Our brain tends to focus on the past or future, which can lead to …