Therapy grounded in real inner work and genuine human connection.
Until I trained as a therapist, I never intentionally paid attention to what happens in the process of communicating with someone. Communication just happened. As I learned what process vs content meant, I realized how much information is embedded in the actual process of communication. …
This short technique is scientifically tested and proven to create well being physically and emotionally that we thought might be helpful to share in this moment. It’s a great thing to practice when you are going to transition activities, like from work to engage with …
Aside from “how long does therapy take?”, which was discussed last week, another common question is “how often should I be seeing my therapist?”
Again, it depends. So let’s talk about that.
What follows applies to those who are coming in for individual, family, couples, child or adolescent therapy.
We recommend doing weekly sessions for 4-6 weeks regardless of whether you are being proactive or working on a specific challenge. If you are in crisis, you may need multiple sessions a week in order to stabilize the situation.
We recommend having those first 4-6 weekly sessions because two important things are happening.
One is you are getting to know your therapist, seeing how they work and how comfortable you feel working with them. You are sorting out if you can trust the guidance and insights that your therapist brings forward, if you find their responses and way of working helpful to you. If that trust is not there, you are not going to get the return on investment.
Second, your therapist is finding out all about you and what is bringing you to therapy. Your therapist is gathering information about your history, your family, your health, your support network and your current coping strategies through what you say and what you don’t say. Give your therapist the opportunity to do that because they are going to be WAY more effective that way.
Once you have some trust and good rapport built up and your therapist has a solid picture of what is going on with you, you guys can decide together what is going to be best in terms of session frequency.
Weekly sessions are super helpful in the following situations:
Of course, there are other reasons, those are just some basic ones. Weekly sessions are most definitely an investment of your time and resources. And, doing this from the start will actually get you where you want to go faster. Doing biweekly sessions might actually fatigue you and feel like therapy is not working because progress may take longer or just might be more difficult. Better to fully invest and get your work in.
This is a good option when:
This is helpful at the following times:
This is usually indicated when:
This is by no means a comprehensive list, just something to give you an idea of what to expect as you embark on or during your journey in therapy.
Know that this is an important conversation to bring up periodically with your therapist. We want to be mindful of your time and resources AND we want to make sure that your experience in therapy is effective and productive. Not something that drags on. Or conversely, doesn’t sufficiently address your goals, which then makes therapy less than effective.
Engage in making the decision about how often you come in for sessions together with your therapist, as their clinical recommendation is important to consider.
“How long does therapy take?” is a common question that comes up on an initial phone call with someone looking to start therapy. So I wanted to take a minute to answer them in case you have that question too. So, how long does therapy …
Not everyone is convinced that feelings are important. I get that. If you are one of those people who is not totally convinced that feelings are that big a deal, this is for you. I explain it this way often to my clients… How hard …
We all know there is a point of diminishing returns when it comes to productivity. But do you act on the signals your body is giving you to take a break? It’s hard to do that, isn’t it?
While we all might ignore hunger, thirst or bathroom signals when we are busy, stopping to get those needs met seem more acceptable than stopping your to do list to rest.
I certainly grew up with lots of messages around the importance of being a productive and contributing citizen of the world. Did you?
I know my father did. We were talking about it last night after seeing psychologist and mindfulness teacher, Tara Brach, speak on her new book Radical Compassion. It was like a revelation for him, recalling messages he got from his own family (all with the very best intentions) growing up. He brought up a memory of his father taking him to skid row as a teenager, telling him that is where he would end up if he did not dedicate himself to his studies. I know my mother experienced those same messages around being productive. And, of course, so did I.
In fact, work ethic has been the main contributor to my sense of self worth. The fact that I love what I do and want to do what I do makes that easier, but overworking is something I have had to wrestle with my entire adult life. And, I have to continue to keep my eye on it.
Working around the clock (whether that is in your home or in your career) is seen as a badge of honor. How much you accomplish is certainly seen as a badge of honor.
If you are being the most productive person you know, are you also the most kind and connected to your loved ones? If you are being the most productive person you know, are you also the most healthy physically and mentally?
At the end of the day, what is actually most important to you? If it is other things (quality of connections/interactions, physical or mental well being, being present) over being the most productive, then it is good time to re-evaluate and find some space for yourself.
If you need some some science to ease you into that process of making peace with rest, read this short article about sleep and mental health (3 min).
When you are not getting enough rest or stuck in productivity mode, you are not in a level headed space. That means your experience of life and your internal world are much more chaotic when there may be nothing actually chaotic occurring.
That’s not good for your nervous system, which means it is not good for your overall physical, mental or emotional health.
Of course, everyone has a different set point of productivity that is right for their system. Not having enough productivity in your life can be anxiety producing and depressing. So, it’s important to find the balance that works for you.
Do you know your stress signals? These can be used to your advantage by supporting you in finding that balance. Read more on how to do that here and here.
As always, if you need help undoing some of this programing around productivity, we are happy to help. Contact us and we will connect you with a therapist that can offer that support.
A nap? Going to the ocean? Drinking tea? Reading?
**Disclaimer: One Heart Counseling Center is not affiliated with The Nap Ministry or any of its messaging. We just love their messages about reinforcing the importance of rest in and of itself.
Burnout is real. Not only is it miserable for you, it’s toxic for your health and your relationships. You know this already. What you might not know about is these four signs that are about real life. Be honest with yourself when you look at …
This viral video was shared in a group recently and it stopped me in my tracks. Watch what he does in the first video (3 min) and then listen to what he says about that experience in the second video (4 min). And then I’ll …
Boundaries are one of the most important ways you care for your relationships and for yourself. It’s a way of being honest about what works for you and what doesn’t. This has nothing to do with being selfish.
When you are not clear with others about your limits, the result is usually leading you down a road of resentment and/or anger. That road leads to a breakdown in the relationship (think: blow up) or you distancing yourself. So, you either end up feeling like a monster or feeling isolated, not because of anyone else’s fault.
I say all this with as much compassion and humility as possible. Boundary work is an on-going practice (I’m practicing too!). So, no matter how much you know, there will be times where you get it wrong and that’s ok. You can repair it and try again. The point is to practice so that you are empowered and know what is inside your locus of control rather than feeling like “people just don’t get it” or feeling unloved or unseen.
People feel more comfortable knowing what your boundaries are (even if they don’t like it at first) and trust that you will be straight with them if there is something that bothers you (rather than leaving the relationship or talking with others behind their back).
We think people should “know” the boundaries. But, in reality, people have all different kinds of limits. Some boundaries relate to natural temperament, some correspond to culture or ethnicity, some stem from family dynamics, some are a response to painful experiences, some relate to specific roles a person holds (like being a parent or holding a professional role within an organization like a manager or being a specific type of professional like a teacher or police officer) and the list goes on. So, we can’t assume that “everyone should know” what ALL appropriate boundaries are, even if we feel like some should just be common sense. There are a lot of factors at play!
Make sure you say it in plain english. Be kind, but direct.
For example: “I’m not really comfortable with x, so let’s do y instead”. Or letting someone know how things are done according to the rules or guidelines in your home or professional space. Or, if it is something more serious: “I do want to talk about this. And I will stop the conversation (or hang up the phone) if x happens”.
Adding some kind of “yes” in there helps create a way forward with the interaction. Only including a form of “no” may stop things all together because the other person might not know what to do or how to respond. People can experience a boundary assertion as you pushing them away. So, by including a “yes” like “I do want to talk about this”, you offer reassurance.
Boundaries are not always honored right away. People test them. If they are pushing boundaries, it usually is not conscious or malicious in any way.
I have a boundary in my practice that people need to cancel 24 hours prior to an appointment, otherwise, I charge for the session. I do that to be able to plan my time to get work outside of sessions done (caring for myself and my business) and I want to protect time for people to be able to come in for a session if they are trying to squeeze in because something difficult has come up (caring for my clients as a whole). I also do that to protect my relationships with my clients (caring for the relationships with my clients). I don’t want there to be a reason to feel angry or resentful toward a client. That’s just not fair. When there is a late cancellation or missed session, I let my client know about the charge. I do not criticize, I do not get angry, I just hold it with objectivity and compassion. I allow the boundary to do the work.
When you express anger about a boundary being crossed, the conversation becomes about your anger, not the boundary. That doesn’t change behaviors or preserve the relationship, it just poisons the relationship. Does that make sense?
You are the person that cares the most about your boundaries. Regardless of the reason for the boundary crossing, whether the other person is “right” or “wrong” in their actions, the person responsible for upholding it is you. Because it is your limit. Getting into the right and wrong of it doesn’t help anyone.
You don’t have boundaries for fun. You have them for a reason. Because you care about your relationships and yourself. So, while you might feel anger (that is your notification that a boundary has been crossed), the way to manage that anger is to channel it into holding a boundary when you are ready to communicate directly and objectively (see tip #2).
If you are feeling like you need some support in learning what your boundaries are or how to communicate about them, let us offer you some support. Contact us.
**Disclaimer: All of this is assuming that the parties involved are not dealing with significant emotional or mental health challenges that create a threat or sense of danger on any level in the relationship**
We talk a lot in sessions about what kids hear and witness when there is stress going on inside a family. Did they hear it or see it? Do they know? If a parent cries or parents argue, on some level, kids are going to …