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When searching for a therapist a person may be overwhelmed by the number of therapy approaches there are, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), EMDR, Psychodynamic Therapy, and more. But while finding the therapy method that is right for you is important, the relationship between your …
When teenage boys isolate, it is often misinterpreted as independence or defiance. In reality, it’s more of a protective response to the stress they are feeling inside. They don’t withdraw because they don’t care, rather because they don’t feel safe expressing what they are experiencing. …
If you are struggling with infertility or pregnancy related challenges, watching others get pregnant quickly can be a tough terrain to navigate. There is no right or wrong way to feel, but sometimes negative feelings can take over and that’s normal. Let’s talk about why this happens.
The emotions you have when someone else announces their pregnancy, while you are struggling to get pregnant, can be complex. They can range from happiness to sadness, frustration, envy, to thinking you are not deserving or worthy of being a parent.
Seeing others experience the joy of sharing that they are expecting can make your reality of not experiencing this yet feel more real. When it is something that you are longing for this is a disappointing reminder of your situation and it hurts. So even if you are happy for them, you can still feel sad.
Sometimes your sadness can turn into frustration and be internalized as self-blame, because you can’t understand how it is so easy for others but difficult for you. This can lead to anger, not only at the situation but towards people who don’t really understand how you are struggling.
“Grief, the process in coming to terms with not conceiving as we wanted to, nor often at the time we wanted to, includes anger. We may also be angry about the time spent thinking about fertility and money spent too.” (Sainsbury, Tracey. “Caring for your mental health when trying to conceive.” Fertility Network UK. https://fertilitynetworkuk.org/caring-for-your-mental-health-when-trying-to-conceive)
As you long for the experience of being able to share your own pregnancy announcement, you may become envious of those who are able to easily get pregnant. It’s not that you don’t care for these people and want the best for them, it’s just hard to see them enter the journey with ease.
Unless that is someone else that you are close to that has gone through it before, or is currently going through it, struggling to get pregnant can make you feel alone. Although people in your life may be supportive, it’s hard for them to relate to what you are feeling and that can be isolating.
People who are struggling with infertility or challenges in conceiving commonly experience feelings of unfairness, frustration, or that they are personally inadequate.
When someone thinks “Why not me?” it’s because as humans we have this inherent sense of fairness. We think it’s only fair that good things should happen to good people, and that if you have done everything “right”, you should be rewarded with the thing you desire. When it’s not happening but others seemingly get pregnant effortlessly, this reinforces a feeling of being singled out.
“When we perceive unfairness, the brain activates emotional centers tied to social pain, which is why unfairness can feel personally hurtful, even when it doesn’t directly affect us.” (Jhutty, Dr. Saira. “Coping with Jealousy During Infertility: A Psychiatrist’s Guide to Healing.” June 4, 2025. https://www.cofertility.com/family-learn/coping-with-jealousy-during-infertility-a-psychiatrists-guide-to-healing)
So you think “Why not me?” because there is a sense that you somehow don’t deserve the same outcome.
As humans, we compare ourselves to others, especially in situations that are significant. Socially, we evaluate ourselves relative to other people, especially when we are determining how we are doing in life.
Being able to conceive and have children may be tied to your sense of identity, self-worth, and life goals. If you can’t, it can feel like a failure to fulfill your role or purpose.
It’s important to recognize that all of these feelings that you are experiencing are valid. It’s okay to feel hurt when you see someone else celebrating and you are not a bad person for having these emotions.
Setting boundaries is key. This can include taking a break from social media, opting out of attending baby showers if it feels too difficult, and politely declining to engage in conversations about pregnancy, parenting, etc. This is not rude, it is self-care because protecting your mental health is essential.
It’s also very healthy to talk to someone you trust like a close friend or your partner. Expressing your feelings is helpful to release the weight of carrying them alone. Some find comfort in connecting with others who are currenting experiencing the same thing or have in the past through support groups or online communities.
“Say the things you’re scared to say out loud. Cry. Laugh. Rant about your partner’s terrible timing. Connection is one of the most powerful tools for protecting your mental health and feeling less alone in this weird limbo.”
Sometimes it’s easier to talk with a therapist because it gives you an outside perspective and they are trained to help you process your emotions and work with people walking this same path.
When it comes to managing this very challenging time, remember to be kind to yourself. You may not be on the path you thought you would be on and that’s okay, the struggle is not a reflection of your self-worth. Each person has a different story so focus on your journey and try not to compare yourself to others.
If you need help or support navigating what you are going through, contact us, we are here for you.
When you are in a relationship, it’s important for your partnership to remain healthy and balanced, no matter who brings home the most money. But due to societal expectations, it can be more of a challenge if the woman in the relationship is the breadwinner. …
If your child is having consistent emotional, behavioral, or social challenges that interfere with their daily life, well-being, or development then it may be time to look into getting some professional help for them. As a concerned parent you will want to do some research …
You have probably heard it said, or maybe you have said it yourself, “I don’t need to go to therapy, that’s what I have friends for”. Is it great to have friends to confide in and vent to when you are going through something stressful? Of course it is! But does talking to friends have the same outcome and benefits as going to therapy? No. So let’s talk about why.
If you rely on your friends for support, and expect them to take on your problems and help you “fix” them, there will be a point where you start to tax the relationship, meaning you are putting a heavy demand or pressure on them.
It’s common to go through ups and down with friends and if your friendship spans a number of years then they will inevitably help you get through some hard times. But relying fully on them to be there with solutions and strategies to get you through your most trying times can be too much pressure.
“Using a friend as a stand-in for a therapist strains the relationship. It places an unfair burden on the friend offering support and sets up a dysfunctional dynamic that isn’t healthy for either (“Your Friends Aren’t Your Therapists: How to Set Boundaries.” Newport Institute. May 5, 2023. www.newportinstitute.com/resources/mental-health/friends-not-therapists/#:~:text=When%20you’re%20struggling%2C%20it,a%20therapist%20strains%20the%20relationship.rson.”)
Preserving your relationship with your friend should be a priority and if you feel that you are relying on them too much for emotional support it may be time to look for a therapist. Sometimes they won’t tell you you’re relying on them too much, but you might notice they don’t pick up your calls as much or aren’t as active talking through your issues as they used to be.
Your friends give you their opinions based on their background and experience. Your therapist, however, is not speaking from their personal experience, they’re guiding you from their professional education and experience.
It will be hard for friends to be objective because they care about you, and they most likely always see things from your perspective and are on your side. Their intentions are good, but it’s more beneficial for you to have someone who is neutral, looking at your situation from an outside perspective.
Even though friends can be very wise, the possibility of them projecting their beliefs and experiences onto yours are high. This is because they don’t have the training to differentiate between what is important to their experience and growth, and what’s important to yours.
When you work with a therapist there are guidelines or boundaries that are established for your time together, and more than likely that is not going to be in place for when you have conversations with friends. When things get heavy, you or your friend may go too far (into sensitive areas where you can get overwhelmed) or unintentionally cross a line (where a judgement, opinion or unkind words come out) that damages the friendship.
Therapy is all about you. When you are talking things through with a friend, as their friend, you are still concerned with them and their feelings. It can be a relief not to have to think about reciprocating and being supportive to another person when you’re trying to work through your stuff. It’s not selfish to want to just focus on yourself when it comes to addressing emotional distress; it can take longer to navigate and get through it if your attention and focus is split.
Even though it’s a positive thing that it’s all about you, it can also be super uncomfortable that a conversation with your therapist is all about you. Either way, there’s a benefit.
Not only is therapy all about you, it is confidential. So you don’t have to worry about your therapist sharing what you discuss with other people in your friend group. You can feel confident that sharing your thoughts and feelings, good or bad, will not come back to haunt you later because it was leaked by someone you thought you could trust.
It is great to have good friends who are there for you when you need them, but it’s unrealistic to think they can replace the crucial role that a therapist plays.
It’s natural to feel responsible for things you’re not responsible for. Feeling like everything is on you can be exhausting and can lead to breaking you down physically and/or emotionally. Let’s talk about 3 things that you can let go of and remind yourself that …
It’s very common to hear stories about people with romantic infatuations but they are not always rooted in love. Instead of it being love, it could be limerence. But what is limerence and when would a person need to seek help for it? Let’s break …
Before becoming a parent you may think you know what type of parent you will be and how you will handle the ups and down that come along with this very important role. But you may quickly realize as a new parent that regulating your own emotions can sometimes be more of a challenge than helping your child regulate theirs. It will be necessary to do some inner work because the work you do on yourself around your parenting will be the most valuable investment you make in your kids. Let’s talk about some of the work you can do.
It’s inevitable, your child will trigger you, and that’s okay. There are lots of behaviors that your child can exhibit that are triggering to you like a tantrum or meltdown, a disrespectful tone of voice, ignoring you, etc. Noticing or acknowledging that you are triggered is the starting point, then you can move into how you can address it.
When you are triggered you will probably feel yourself start to get tense, your heart rate may increase, and you might make snap judgements and/or decisions. Once you recognize these signs, take a minute to regulate your emotions and nervous system – attend to the trigger before you address the behavior.
Jessica Milburn from responsive_parenting shares, “… in order to meet my child’s needs. In order to really hear what they are trying to say, I need to respond to my trigger first. Or else, they will not get what they need from me and I very likely will escalate the situation instead, despite every effort to appear calm.”
If you are aware of your triggers and conscious of how you typically react when you are triggered, you can manage them and make better choices when you are in the moment with your child.
Adults understand that children usually act out because they do not know how to manage their emotions; they have these big feelings and instead of calmly sharing them with you they are more likely to throw a tantrum. But as an adult, you may also struggle to manage your emotions in a positive way. You probably don’t throw tantrums but you may lash out in anger at your kids, use guilt or shame to control them or invalidate their feelings.
If positive ways to cope with emotions were not modeled to you growing up you might not know another way. These habits may not have had an impact on others before becoming a parent but once you are one, they could definitely have a negative impact on your kids.
If you have younger children, they are not immune to the effect of your emotions. They are often unable to verbalize their negative feelings so they display them by acting out.
(Ellis, Gena. “How a Parent’s Emotions Can Affect Their Child.” First Things First. September 24, 2020, firstthings.org/how-a-parents-emotions-can-affect-their-child/)
In order to pass on healthy coping techniques to your kids and teach them how to positively manage their emotions, you have to learn how to practice it yourself.
Show your kids that having lots of different emotions is normal and it’s okay. They need to know that it’s how they respond to those feelings and emotions that matters. If they see you respond in positive ways to your own emotions they will learn from you. They are always watching.
Teaching them emotional maturity when they are young can be very helpful to them as adults. We discussed how to instill emotional maturity in your kids in a previous post, read it here.
Successful CEOs got to where they are through continually developing themselves. They didn’t wake up with all the knowledge and skills they needed to do what they do, they had to continually invest in themselves and their personal development. It’s the same with parenting. You won’t ever be perfect (and you don’t need to be!) but you can do some things to develop on a personal level that will help you navigate your role as a parent.
You may feel selfish if you take time for yourself but it’s actually a sign of loving your child and wanting what’s best for them. If you burn out you will not be able to give your child what they need. Burn out as a parent? Yes, our parenting expert, Chelsea Derossi, MFT, ATR wrote about 6 Ways to Cope with Parental Burnout here. Whether it is listening to a parenting podcast or treating yourself to a massage or other special treat, your parenting will always benefit from that time of personal development or self-care.
You are going to make mistakes as a parent and in lots of ways you are growing up right along with your kids. You are not alone in your struggles, every parent experiences highs and lows and questions if they are a good parent. If you take the time to invest in yourself and commit to working on yourself, you will be able to get the job done. If you need more help or parenting advice, contact us.
People use the terms panic attack and anxiety attack interchangeably, and although they may appear to be similar, they really are very different. You might mistake a panic attack for an anxiety attack (in someone else, or yourself) if you are not aware of the …