Working with human nature, not against it.
A few months ago, my father gave me a book he found in his grandfather’s library. My great grandfather was ahead of his time; he was into spirituality, health food and meditation. When I opened this book, I understood where so much toxic positivity had come from in my family. Being positive or focusing...
Gaslighting is a term that has been thrown around a lot on social media lately. But most people don’t really even know what it is or how it compares to other behaviors, so let’s clear things up a little bit. Let’s start by defining gaslighting. It is “psychological manipulation of a person, usually over...
How many times have you been in a conversation with a well meaning loved one and you were told something like “don’t cry”, “don’t worry”, “at least xyz didn’t happen” or “you know what you should do….”? What happened next? Did you feel heard? Did you feel like sharing more? My guess is you...
A few weeks ago, we talked about how important it is to consider the possibility that what other people do is not always about you. People are responding to you in accordance to their own past, their own assumptions and their own tendencies. This is helpful to consider because it helps with not taking...
This comes up a lot. I get that it is confusing. How can an interaction between two people not be personal? Meaning, how can you not take what someone does or says personally??? Well, it FEELS personal. Of course. The things is, most of what people do is about them, not about you. In...
There are so many reasons. And, so often we take it personally when someone doesn’t share. We think it means something about us. Well, sometimes that is true. Very often, it isn’t. We’ll talk about both sides. When it is not about you: There are so many factors that could contribute why someone is...
Until I trained as a therapist, I never intentionally paid attention to what happens in the process of communicating with someone. Communication just happened. As I learned what process vs content meant, I realized how much information is embedded in the actual process of communication. I spend time with clients in session often helping...
Not everyone is convinced that feelings are important. I get that. If you are one of those people who is not totally convinced that feelings are that big a deal, this is for you. I explain it this way often to my clients… How hard is it for you to wash a dish? Usually...
What if your spouse, loved one, best friend is not the bad guy? What if you aren’t either? Let’s be honest, sometimes it feels good that the other person is the “bad guy”. Then we get to be right, justified and safe. At the same time, we know that actually isn’t worth much in...
So, you know how to be empathetic, but why don’t you always practice it? Last week we shared a video on illustrating empathy. It is about connection and presence. Even though you know how to do that, you might not always handle situations with connection and presence. 3 Things that Get in the Way...