Therapy grounded in real inner work and genuine human connection.
As we discussed in our last post, there are some aspects of mental health being discussed on social media that we love; and there are some parts that are making things hard. We know there are a lot of conversations happening in households across the …
Information of all kinds is so much more accessible these days than it has been in the past. And, on the bright side, there has been a significant rise in information and awareness around mental health issues. After decades of shame and stigma surrounding mental …
Have you made the decision to begin therapy but not sure where to start?
Are you trying to determine if you need individual, couples or family therapy?
It’s okay if you answered yes to one or both of these questions!
At One Heart Counseling Center, we are here to guide you through the process of finding out what type of therapy will be most effective for you.
The first step is the most important one and that is getting in touch with us so we can get started.
One of the obvious answers to the question ‘what is the difference between individual, couples and therapy?’ is the people who are involved. But it goes a lot deeper than that so let’s break it down a little more.
Individual therapy is self-reflective and focuses more on personal development. You will spend time identifying and processing your emotions and behaviors and working to make positive changes in your life.
In couples therapy, the therapist will help you understand how you and your partner interact and determine ways to improve those interactions. Sometimes it might be a little more intense because you are dealing with the emotions and behaviors of two different people who are usually from different backgrounds and have different coping skills.
Family counseling can include all family members in a household or just a few, depending on the situation that led to initiating therapy. A family therapist can help resolve differences within the family, help build stronger relationships between you and help you learn how to function as a unit in a more positive way.
Once you determine which type of therapy is best for you (which we can help you with! Contact us Here), questions about the therapist may arise.
Having everyone in the family see the same therapist separately is usually not recommended. This is because the therapeutic relationship between a therapist and an individual is built on trust.
A family therapist creates the alliance and trust with the family as a whole, which includes each of its members, but is focused on the family.
In couples therapy the couple is the ‘client’ so the therapist acts in accordance with the priorities of the relationship.
Switching to a single member of the couple or family means the working relationship starts to develop with that individual. This can lead to problems in the working relationship with the family or the couple that interrupt the effectiveness of the work. It never seems like it will be a problem, but trust us, even if it is hard to foresee, it happens!
Consider this… the therapist says something that challenges you in a family session. Even if it isn’t the case, you might think the therapist is challenging you because they are biased by your family member that is seeing that therapist individually. That interrupts the effectiveness of the work. We know therapy is an investment and we want you to get the most out of it! So we don’t want to create any situation that could compromise your investment.
However, moving from individual work to couples or family work is not recommended unless there is a specific clinical reason. If it is then the transition should be processed and new expectations should be set.
A different challenge may arise when you have multiple kids seeing a therapist and those will need to be considered as well.
When you have more than one kid seeing a therapist it’s usually best for them to see different therapists. There are a variety of reasons for this.
They may be concerned about what their sibling has said to the therapist or they may be worried that the therapist is sharing things about them with their sibling. A therapist cannot share what individual clients say in sessions with other individual clients. And a therapist explains this, however, kids sometimes have a hard time getting their head around this!
Sibling rivalry is also very common and they may get caught up trying to win the therapist over so they are on their side and do not side with their sibling.
If conflicts do arise the therapist may have to stop seeing one of the siblings or transfer them to someone else. The child may not understand why that has to happen and may feel hurt by the change in treatment.
The benefit of working with the therapists at One Heart Counseling Center is that they know each other’s clinical work very well. If one of your family members needs to see another therapist, your therapist can recommend someone who would be a good fit for them.
The process for an additional family member starting therapy is relatively seamless. It also makes it easy for the therapists working with your family to work together and support your family as a whole.
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Therapy is not cheap. It requires resources. Both time and money, obviously. But in order for it to be as effective as possible, it requires your energy and attention.
I think therapy can benefit most people, regardless of how well or how poorly life seems to be going. Increasingly, people are coming to therapy to be proactive about their mental health or the health of their relationships. I love this because every person, couple, family that invests in themselves in that way supports better physical health, relationship satisfaction and overall well being for themselves and those around them.
While simply engaging in therapy is a big step and can be very helpful, it’s important to understand that the degree to which you benefit is very much within your control.
If your therapist teaches you a strategy to manage a symptom or difficulty coming up, there is a really good reason for it. Many skills therapists teach to manage depression, anxiety, stress or communication issues have proven research behind them. Even if the skill seems simple.
If you don’t think that strategy will help, ask your therapist why your therapist thinks that skill will be helpful to you. The worst thing you can do is say “Ok”, then never try it. Honestly, that’s akin to taking a percentage of what you paid for your session and putting it into a shredder. I don’t think you would do that.
If you think you might have a hard time implementing the strategy, tell your therapist. That way you guys can find something you can do. Doing things that are inconvenient, uncomfortable or not natural to you are usually required for getting different results.
One hundred percent of my clients who reach their goals in therapy have done so because they actually implemented the things we discussed in session. That can be you too.
Your therapist went through a lot of training to be able to offer accurate reflections. If you trust your therapist and feel aligned with the way they work, make it a point to really consider what they are reflecting back to you. Even (and especially) if you don’t like it.
My therapist says surprising things to me regularly. She’s known me for over 15 years. She supports me and helps me find compassion for myself in difficult moments. And, she also reflects back to me things I didn’t think were true about myself. She did it last week. And, you know what? I really appreciate that. I don’t lash out at her. I don’t argue. I simply take what she says and take my time to consider if what she said is really true about me.
Want to take it a step further? Notice patterns that regularly come up in your life. It might be a reaction you regularly have to your child, partner, parent or coworker. You might find yourself repeatedly involved in certain circumstances. Bring what you notice to your therapist and ask for their help in seeing what you could learn about yourself from those patterns.
Those patterns are coming up repeatedly for a reason: there is something that is being shown to you so you can learn to do it differently and grow…maybe to grow closer to what you really want.
Sometimes those insights are hard won. Don’t let them simply float away. Not only that, continue your self reflection between sessions. Make sure to put those insights to work.
You don’t go to a trainer once a week and expect to reach a healthy weight or get stronger. You go to learn the exercises and the skills, then you practice on your own to reach your goals. Same with therapy.
I want you to. So does your therapist.
Not seeing a therapist and thinking about getting started? Contact us.
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So I wanted to take a minute to answer them in case you have that question too.
Like most things, the answer is “it depends”. But, I can tell you what factors come into play so you can get an idea for yourself and your own situation.
If you are coming to therapy because you are being proactive, you are probably not as concerned with this question.
One of the reasons you might start therapy proactively is to establish a working relationship with a therapist so you can get some support in looking at and improving some important aspects of your life. The other goal here is to have that relationship established and ready for when challenges do arise. You know this could be a long term relationship and it is an investment.
You might or might not go to therapy as frequently (I’ll talk about that next week), but it is an ongoing process to support your emotional and mental well being.
This is the same for children or adolescents. Sometimes parents will initiate therapy just to start a therapeutic relationship and get in some basic learning around emotional fluency and coping skills for their child or teen. Then their child or teen has a relationship with a therapist so they can access that relationship when developmental challenges come up around friend issues, academic stress, transition to adolescence or launching into adult life.
If you are starting therapy because there is a challenge coming up that you know really needs attention, I would expect at least six months.
The first part of therapy (4-6 weeks of weekly sessions), you are building trust with your therapist and your therapist is getting as full a picture as possible of what is going on. This cannot be skipped. Your therapist needs to know as much as possible to know how to best help you. AND you need to know that you trust your therapist. You are paying for their skill set that will support you in getting where you want to go. If you don’t have that trust, you will not be utilizing all they have to offer you.
From there, you are working on de-programming old beliefs, healing, developing insight into yourself, learning communication and coping skills and developing new habits and ways of dealing with things in your life that will support your growth so you can get through the challenge and be a better, healthier person.
I’ve seen people make it through challenges in as little as six months. Here’s the thing: these are people that are ready to take action on recommendations, who take notes either during session or right after to make sure they get as much as they can out of the time, who are willing to be open to reflections and humble to hard questions. They do the work in and outside of session. It’s the willingness that makes their sessions super effective (read more about that here).
Sometimes, when people make it through a challenge, they like to stay in therapy because they see how much they are able to get out of that support. The frequency of sessions might change over time depending on what is going on. Sometimes people will stop sessions due to the main goal for therapy being met and then they will just come back the next time something comes up. But the effort they put in not only helps them grow through their challenge, it builds their confidence in knowing that they can take on challenges successfully.
The same goes for older school age kids and adolescent clients: being open to and wanting to go to therapy makes a big difference in the process. See these posts here and here about kids and teens who are resistant to therapy.
If you are dealing with a crisis, meaning you are concerned about your own safety and daily functioning or your child’s, there are two distinct parts of your treatment. The first is stabilizing, the second is addressing the underlying dynamics and issues that brought things to a head.
People cannot sustain a crisis level situation for very long, but the work to address what created the crisis can take some time to unravel. There is a lot of variability in situations like this. Especially given that people can go in and out of a crisis state until they stabilize. The best thing to do is buckle up and be receptive to your therapist’s and your team’s (you might have a psychiatrist or multiple therapists working with different members of your family or school therapists working together) recommendations. That will be your fastest way through.
How much stress you have going on in your life does factor in to how long it will take to reach your goals in therapy.
If you have a number of stressors that take away from you being able to dedicate attention to your work in therapy, it might mean that you will need a little bit more time in therapy. That is not a bad thing.
If you have a high level of stress, therapy will address that so you can work to bring things to a more manageable level. This is a good thing for your overall health and well being.
If it is your child or teen who is in therapy, you want to take life circumstances into consideration: do they have a school transition (going to middle school or high school) or family transition (divorce, remarriage, move) going on? Is there a person in the family who is ill? Are there some difficult sibling dynamics? These things may add to the time it takes to make progress toward goals.
Do people in your life support you going to therapy? Are there people in your life you can share with about your experiences in therapy who can reinforce the work you are doing?
This can just be someone who asks “what did your therapist say about that” to help you bring back the perspective and guidance you received. Or this person might just be a great listener and someone who is safe to talk to in between sessions while you are working through your stuff. That kind of support helps your progress in therapy.
If your child is in therapy, if you are participating in sessions and help implement the skills your child is learning in daily life, that makes a HUGE difference.
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