There can be tension during the holidays when you try to decide which family you’re going to spend time with each holiday. It can also be tough to be caught in the middle between your partner and your family.
Here’s how to navigate boundaries during the holidays that protect your peace and your relationship.
Traditions
When you think about holidays you think about traditions and that’s part of what makes them so special.
But couples can sometimes struggle with honoring traditions for each person’s family. Your family’s tradition may be a get together that takes place on a certain date each year, but what if it conflicts with an event or tradition that takes place every year in your partner’s family?
How do you decide which family you spend that day with? Communicating about this ahead of time is key.
You may have to talk with your family about being flexible with dates, times, etc. so that you both get a chance to participate in your own family’s traditions. If that doesn’t work you could alternate each year. It can work as long as you are both willing to compromise and work towards a plan that gives each of you time to participate in the important activities and traditions with your families.
If it becomes too stressful and you can’t find a solution to maintaining your past traditions, you can make your own traditions. As a couple you get to decide what your traditions will be and although your family may expect you to keep all the old traditions, you may need to start some new ones. This is just one example of a common boundary that may need to be implemented which is saying no.
Saying, “No, I won’t be at that event this year” to your family can be hard but there may be many things you have to say no to in order to protect the peace in your relationship during the holidays. It may be social events with friends, work holiday parties that take place after hours, giving to a certain cause when you are asked, or anything else that you don’t want to do or would cause stress in your relationship.
“You can say no because you simply don’t want to do something, you’re tired, or you feel anxious. Your boundaries don’t have to make sense to other people; you’re an adult and you know what’s best for yourself.”
Finances
Another point of stress, and maybe the biggest one couples experience during the holidays is finances. Unfortunately, society tells us that you have to spend money on others in order to show them that you love them and that’s just not true. Going into debt to buy expensive gifts for your partner, friends and family is never a good idea.
Create a budget for gifts and holiday activities and stick to it. Talk about it and hold each other accountable. You know what you can afford and what you can’t so don’t let yourself get caught up in the materialism that is pushed through the media and lose sight of what is really important. It’s okay to buy them gifts but don’t go overboard. Spending time together, doing things for others and homemade gifts mean so much more to the people who love you.
Spending time together and communicating openly through all the chaos of the holidays is the best way to protect your peace as a couple; so setting a boundary to prioritize your relationship is essential.
Prioritizing your Relationship
Because things get so hectic, it can be easy to neglect each other, put off date night or not check in to see how your partner is doing. You may have less down time to just be together, but make sure to make the most of the down time you do have. Talk about how you are feeling and ask them about their feelings too. Holidays are a time for joy and happiness but sometimes they can bring not so happy emotions and you need to be there for your partner to lean on if they need support.
Entering the holiday season as a couple, it’s important for you and your partner to be prepared to deal with family expectations, coordinating events on both sides, keeping up with a busy schedule and all the other stressors that arise. But with communication, compromise and support from one another, you can experience a peaceful holiday season.
If you need help setting boundaries or strengthening your communication skills with your partner, contact us, we are here to help.
