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When it comes to eating disorders, secrecy typically plays a big role. But what leads to the secrecy and why is it so central for individuals who struggle in this area? Let’s talk about it. Why Secrecy Is So Common An eating disorder is not …
Most people think that eating disorders are about food, weight or appearance, but that’s not the core issue. They are really about how a person experiences, manages, and survives intense internal feelings, or emotional regulation. Let’s dive a little deeper into what that means. What …
The emotional labor of women in their 30s and 40s can go unseen by everyone, even the women themselves. It can be exhausting and cover a range of things, so let’s talk about it.
When lots of responsibilities collide, like pressure from a career, social expectations, parenting and family roles, it can result in emotional labor. This especially happens during the 30-40 age range because a lot of the responsibilities peak at this time.
When trying to be everything to everyone, it takes a toll on a person mentally and emotionally because it feels impossible. The labor refers to all the mental tasks, emotions and sacrifices that can be draining because it all adds up and it’s a lot!
“…emotional labor now includes the unpaid and often invisible emotional efforts put into maintaining relationships, running a household, resolving conflicts, and caring for others at an interpersonal level.”
Although this idea has loosened over the years in our society, it is still pretty common for women to be seen as the “caretakers” of the home. Moms are like the overall family operation managers, making sure everything gets done and everyone has what they need. This can be true even when both parents work a full-time job.
As young children, girls are praised for being nurturing, helpful, and in tune with their emotions. Boys on the other hand are encouraged to be focused on getting work done, being independent and assertive.
Even when a partner or other family members help with tasks, the work of thinking about and tracking everything usually falls to women. When so many things are constantly on a woman’s mind it can be draining. Things like:
Women can feel more like project managers than a member of the family and that can suck the joy out of family events that are meant to be happy, because she feels like the coordinator not a participant.
Then throw in work responsibilities, caring for aging parents, or any other task that is outside of their immediate family duties, and there is really a lot on her plate!
“When you’re not the one doing it, these tasks become invisible. They look automatic. A clean house, well-adjusted kids, smooth-running social calendar – these things don’t just happen.”
It can be hard for others to understand why women are so exhausted when it doesn’t look like they are doing much. When a lot of the work is mental and not physical, it can be invisible, she feels it but others can’t see it. But that doesn’t mean it’s not there.
Getting help with the invisible emotional labor takes being intentional and honest and it starts with naming what you are feeling and what you need.
Identify what is taking up the most space in your mind/thoughts, what your responsibilities are and what is the most draining.
Communication is so important. When women try to just manage everything on their own and not share their struggles with their partners, they have unconsciously indicated that they don’t need help; so maybe they don’t see your struggle because you have trained them not to see it.
Be specific in what you need and what outcome would be most helpful to you. Don’t just say, “I’m overwhelmed I need help”, instead say, “I’m overwhelmed by _________ and it would help me so much if you could ________ .” This gives a clear picture about what is causing your stress and an actionable solution to help you resolve it.
No matter how hard you try (or how much you want to) you cannot be everything to everyone and you cannot do it all, so setting boundaries is necessary.
Setting boundaries can look like:
In addition, it’s not possible to pour from an empty cup, you have to protect your own peace and fill your own cup as well. This is where self-care comes in and doing things that you enjoy or help you relax are essential, so that you do not get burnt out.
It’s not realistic to unload all of the emotional labor at once. Starting small and slowly handing off things or shifting responsibilities is a good plan. It can be more stressful to rush to let things go because a lot of what you do you probably enjoy and you take pride in.
It’s helpful to communicate with and lean on your partner, family and friends, but sometimes they can’t fully hold what you’re feeling. It’s okay if you need to seek support outside of your usual circle. Therapists can be a good resource to help you unpack guilt, resentments, and expectations. There are therapists who specialize in burnout, mental fatigue, life transitions and other stressors that women face.
Support groups can also be helpful because it can help you feel less alone. This can make it easier to open up and receive the help you need. Others who are experiencing the same things as you will listen and understand, with no judgement.
If the invisible labor is taking a toll on you and you need some guidance and support, contact us, we are here to help.
If you are struggling with infertility or pregnancy related challenges, watching others get pregnant quickly can be a tough terrain to navigate. There is no right or wrong way to feel, but sometimes negative feelings can take over and that’s normal. Let’s talk about why …
As a parent, you might notice a lot more irritability, defiance, or meltdowns with your tween, which can be really disruptive. In dealing with that disruption, and everything that triggers for everyone else in your house, it’s hard to remember that those mood swings and …
If you notice your child suddenly self-conscious, saying “I’m not good at anything,” and comparing themselves to their friends, this might seem out of character and concerning.
You should know this is not a failure in parenting, it’s actually a common developmental stage. That doesn’t mean it’s easy to watch, but there are things you can do to support them.
Let’s talk about why this happens and how you can help.
You will often see a dip in confidence for kids in late elementary and middle school because this is a period where a lot of major changes are happening. This includes physical, social, and emotional changes.
They start to identify ways they measure up or compare to others, like how they look, how they perform in school, if they are popular or have some of the same interests as their peers; and this can lead to them doubting themselves or thinking something is wrong with them if they are different in any way.
They start to care more about what their peers think, so fitting in becomes important and they don’t want to stand out. In addition, this is a time when schoolwork becomes more challenging, and expectations from teachers and parents are a little higher, and this can make them feel like they aren’t able to keep up or can overwhelm them.
Emotions also become a little more intense due to hormonal changes and rapid brain development. So anything challenging, even the small challenges, can feel really big.
“Your child might show strong feelings and intense emotions, and their moods might seem unpredictable. These emotional ups and downs happen partly because your child is still learning how to control and express emotions in a grown-up way.”
(“Social and emotional changes: pre-teens and teenagers.” Raising Children. August 7, 2024. https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/development/social-emotional-development/social-emotional-changes-9-15-years)
Some common signs that a child may be struggling with self-esteem could include:
These are some of the signs but of course, every child is different, so there could be others. If several changes in behavior, similar to these, appear consistently it could indicate that they are struggling with self-esteem.
Supporting healthy self-esteem in your adolescent includes providing reassurance and opportunities for them to succeed. It’s important to create an environment where they feel valued, capable, and understood.
One of the main components to supporting your child is to show unconditional love and acceptance. They need to know that your love doesn’t depend on grades, appearance, or performance and that none of those things determine what type of person they are on the inside, which is what really matters.
Setting realistic expectations is important. You want them to do their best, and you should encourage that, but make sure they know you don’t expect perfection. Talk to them about how growing and improving should be the goal, not just trying to achieve a certain result. Share how some of the mistakes you made in your life provided opportunities for you to learn.
Your child probably won’t tell you this but they want you to listen to them and validate their feelings. Even if their opinions and emotions seem off base or inappropriate, take them seriously. If they feel heard, it will build trust and confidence with them.
“No matter what your child’s self-esteem may be, try to keep helping them feel as good as possible about themselves. Remain sensitive to what they are feeling. Recognize and acknowledge their efforts and gains. Stay flexible and supportive in the way you approach their difficulties. Accept your child as the person they are, and help them feel good about the person they are becoming.” (
“Signs of Low Self-Esteem in Children & Teens.” HealthyChildren.org. October 27, 2022. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/Pages/Signs-of-Low-Self-Esteem.aspx)
Finally, a very important way to support your child’s self-esteem is to let them see positive self-esteem modeled by you.
Speak kindly about yourself. Kids learn by watching how adults handle mistakes and if they see you being self critical when you mess up they think that is okay and they way they should react when they are in a similar position.
Therapy can provide a safe and supportive space for your child to explore their thoughts, feelings and experiences which can be helpful for a child struggling with low self-esteem. A trained therapist can help your child identify negative self-beliefs and learn healthier, more realistic ways of thinking.
They can use techniques to help them build coping skills, improve their self-talk, and develop confidence in their abilities. It can be hard for kids to manage their emotions because they don’t understand them. Therapy can help them understand their emotions, practice social skills, and set goals that are achievable so they feel a sense of accomplishment.
Therapists will often work with the parents as well, to teach strategies for how they can reinforce positive self-esteem at home. This creates a consistent environment of support and encouragement. After participating in therapy, children can come to view themselves with greater compassion and self-worth.
Parenting during late childhood to adolescence comes with new challenges and it can be hard watching your child’s confidence decrease and their self-esteem suffer.
However, by consistently offering support, respect, and encouragement, you can help your child build a strong sense of confidence and resilience that will serve them well into adulthood. If you are entering this phase of parenthood and you need support, contact us, we are here to help.
Attending family therapy with your parents as an adult can bring up a lot of emotions, so let’s get into what you can expect.
Family relationships can be some of the most meaningful and complicated connections we have. They shape us and support us, but sometimes they hurt us. When there is conflict or tension, it’s natural to consider cutting ties with your family, but that’s not always necessary. …
When you are in a relationship, it’s important for your partnership to remain healthy and balanced, no matter who brings home the most money. But due to societal expectations, it can be more of a challenge if the woman in the relationship is the breadwinner. Let’s discuss three things that can help you navigate this situation.
It all starts with a good plan. Talk about what your goals are in every area of your life, not just money. Find out what makes your partner feel fulfilled emotionally, how they envision daily life/family life, and how they want to grow and develop personally. Knowing these things can help you and your partner make a plan for how to manage your relationship and merge your lives so that you are both satisfied and happy.
Avoid stereotypes about gender roles because they do not work for everyone and every situation. The days of men always being the primary providers and women only focusing on the home is very outdated.
“As society evolves, so too does the concept of what it means to be a provider, a partner, and a parent. In this modern landscape, embracing change can lead to a richer, more fulfilling life together.”
(Page, Brian. “Managing the Emotions of a Marriage with a Female Breadwinner.” Modern Husbands. August 12, 2024. “https://www.modernhusbands.com/post/empowering-female-breadwinners-in-the-modern-marriage)
Finding a balance that works for both of you is key. There’s so much more than money that someone contributes to the relationship and home life. Maybe one person tends to be the one who is more romantic and affectionate, who is better at taking care of the connection, maybe someone is better at taking care of the money or organizing and planning. If one person makes the money, maybe the other person is good at helping the primary breadwinner disengage from work and slow down. Look at contributions from a wider lens, not just practical things.
It’s so important to be open about your feelings, concerns and expectations. You’ll need to communicate about the roles you both play, your finances and goals that you have (individually and as a couple).
It’s helpful if both you and your partner acknowledge and discuss the value that the other one brings to the relationship which could be managing household duties, emotional support, financial support, etc. This can help you both respect and appreciate what you each bring to the table and how you fill in the gaps for each other.
Don’t let unspoken tensions about roles or who contributes more financially fester and create a divide between you. Be proactive and talk through any feelings or insecurities that you have and refocus on the appreciation for each other’s contributions.
Supporting Each Other’s Emotional Needs is so important. If the woman is the breadwinner it may unintentionally create an emotional power imbalance..
“When women hold financial power in a relationship, there’s a potential to unintentionally emasculate their partners, using income as a way to prove power or control.”
(Yates, Monica. “Real Talk About Being The Breadwinner As A Woman.” Monica Yates Health. October 26, 2024. “https://monicayateshealth.com/blogs/relationships/real-talk-about-being-the-breadwinner-as-a-woman)
The partner who brings home less money may feel insecure about their role. If you both can value the contributions they make besides money, you’ll both win.
Both partners are affected by financial successes and setbacks, so celebrate wins together and address the hard times together as well. No matter who is bringing home the bigger paycheck, it’s important to be supportive during the highs and the lows and understand that the roles could always be reversed.
No matter who the breadwinner is, a good relationship is built on mutual respect and working together as a team. It’s important that both partners feel valued and fulfilled in their roles and this happens when you communicate and support each other.
If you are facing challenges in your relationship related to dynamics around money, reach out to us, we can help.
ChatGPT can be a helpful tool for basic emotional support when you need a quick response, but it is not a good long term substitute for professional therapy…even though Chat’s answers are sometimes surprisingly insightful. Let’s talk about the benefits of talking with ChatGPT …