Therapy grounded in real inner work and genuine human connection.
There is a lot going on right now as everyone is adjusting to this evolving situation with the Coronavirus. It’s a good idea to maintain sessions with your therapist as much as possible as I’ve been seeing a trend where the impact of what is …
There are a few basic emotional intelligence concepts coming up that can be helpful as we navigate this territory of the Coronavirus. Let’s lay the groundwork with those. Then, we can talk about 5 helpful thoughts that we can incorporate to how we are thinking …
Aside from “how long does therapy take?”, which was discussed last week, another common question is “how often should I be seeing my therapist?”
Again, it depends. So let’s talk about that.
What follows applies to those who are coming in for individual, family, couples, child or adolescent therapy.
We recommend doing weekly sessions for 4-6 weeks regardless of whether you are being proactive or working on a specific challenge. If you are in crisis, you may need multiple sessions a week in order to stabilize the situation.
We recommend having those first 4-6 weekly sessions because two important things are happening.
One is you are getting to know your therapist, seeing how they work and how comfortable you feel working with them. You are sorting out if you can trust the guidance and insights that your therapist brings forward, if you find their responses and way of working helpful to you. If that trust is not there, you are not going to get the return on investment.
Second, your therapist is finding out all about you and what is bringing you to therapy. Your therapist is gathering information about your history, your family, your health, your support network and your current coping strategies through what you say and what you don’t say. Give your therapist the opportunity to do that because they are going to be WAY more effective that way.
Once you have some trust and good rapport built up and your therapist has a solid picture of what is going on with you, you guys can decide together what is going to be best in terms of session frequency.
Weekly sessions are super helpful in the following situations:
Of course, there are other reasons, those are just some basic ones. Weekly sessions are most definitely an investment of your time and resources. And, doing this from the start will actually get you where you want to go faster. Doing biweekly sessions might actually fatigue you and feel like therapy is not working because progress may take longer or just might be more difficult. Better to fully invest and get your work in.
This is a good option when:
This is helpful at the following times:
This is usually indicated when:
This is by no means a comprehensive list, just something to give you an idea of what to expect as you embark on or during your journey in therapy.
Know that this is an important conversation to bring up periodically with your therapist. We want to be mindful of your time and resources AND we want to make sure that your experience in therapy is effective and productive. Not something that drags on. Or conversely, doesn’t sufficiently address your goals, which then makes therapy less than effective.
Engage in making the decision about how often you come in for sessions together with your therapist, as their clinical recommendation is important to consider.
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Even if you are not a parent, this is helpful information because it helps you reflect on your experiences growing up, how it impacts your current lived experience and how you engage in your current relationships. Dan Seigel and Tine Payne Bryson’s new book The …
I get that. If you are one of those people who is not totally convinced that feelings are that big a deal, this is for you.
I explain it this way often to my clients…
Usually the answer is: not that hard.
Right. It isn’t.
But we also resist it sometimes. Maybe it is the repetitive nature of the task or the fact that it is never done. There are always more dishes that need to be done, as long as we eat or drink, which we do because we have to sustain human life. Feelings are similar, they are always coming up, never done.
Then I ask: what would happen if you stopped doing the dishes?
First off, you run out of dishes and utensils that are clean. Which means no one can cook anything and you are eating and drinking straight from the fridge. A slight regression, but not THAT big of a deal.
If you live with anyone, more than likely, people are already bothered at this point. Maybe arguments even start up. Whichever kind your home culture prefers: the nagging type, the loud kind or the silent resentful variety.
The other thing that is happening is that you are now eating out. More expensive, probably less healthy than what you could make at home. In the long run, money and health issues coming up.
Maybe not horribly at first, but remember, you are not doing the dishes, so this is where things are headed for the long haul.
Now you have to think about what happens with those dirty dishes. At some point, they are likely going to attract pests. And that’s a whole new level of hassle.
Recently a friend and their family had to evacuate their apartment and pack out or wrap all the perishables (with an infant!) so their apartment could be fumigated because of cockroaches. They lived next door to an apartment unit that is a corporate apartment so people only live there for short periods. Somebody must have left food or dishes that were not cleaned up (or missed by the cleaning staff) and an infestation started. My friend’s family moved back in after being vacated for the better part of a week and there were still cockroaches. So they had to move their ENTIRE apartment (with an infant) to another unit in the building.
So, now you are potentially dealing with infestations in your home and your neighbors are impacted?
Just like the dishes, dealing with our feelings as they come up are not that big of a deal. Just like doing the dishes, not dealing with them leads to big issues that impact multiple areas of your life: relationships, finances, physical health, your home environment. Not to mention your internal world and your daily lived experience.
So, you practice (practice being the key word) recognizing them. You practice allowing them. You practice communicating them.
It might be: “I feel pressured and rushed right now, can we talk about this later?” Or “I felt sad when you said that”. Or “I feel frustrated”. Just simple little things. Like washing a dish.
I know feelings can be unpleasant, but don’t let that be the end point of that experience. There are lots of things in life that can be uncomfortable. Does that mean you stop right at the first sign of discomfort? No, you show up.
This is emotional health. Recognizing that you feel. And doing what you need to do to care for whatever is coming up whether it is just having to do with you or it is something coming up between you and someone else.
Just do the dish. Sometimes it’s a pan with lots of stuff crusted on it and it takes some effort. But I promise it’s worth it.
If you need support figuring out how to recognize or care for your feelings, we’ve got you. Contact us.
Also, check out this post about the messages your feelings are communicating to you, that could be a good next step too.
If you want a guide to what your emotions mean and where they show up in the body so you know when they are present, sign up for our email list (refresh the page and there will be a little banner that drops down). You will get a little cheat sheet for that you can save on your phone.
Julie Simon, MFT is an Los Angeles based therapist who works with people and their relationship with food. She has written When Food is Comfort and The Emotional Eaters Repair Manual. She also runs Overeating Recovery groups and has a 12 week program that can …
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Burnout is real. Not only is it miserable for you, it’s toxic for your health and your relationships. You know this already.
What you might not know about is these four signs that are about real life. Be honest with yourself when you look at this: 4 Signs of Stress and Burnout.
Why? Because it might be relieving to know that you are not just a jerk. And, realizing that you are stressed is the first key piece of information that indicates you need to focus on stress management.
Check out our post about how to use Stress to Your Advantage. And the one about how to figure out Your Stress Management Formula.
Get ahead of it. Jeopardizing your quality of life, your relationships and you health is just not worth it.
How many fulfilling conversations are you having in a day? I know life is busy and it’s easy to slip into auto pilot, so that might even be a hard question to answer. You and everyone else you are talking with in your life, from …