You have probably heard it said, or maybe you have said it yourself, “I don’t need to go to therapy, that’s what I have friends for”. Is it great to have friends to confide in and vent to when you are going through something stressful? Of course it is! But does talking to friends have the same outcome and benefits as going to therapy? No. So let’s talk about why.
It can be hard on your relationship
If you rely on your friends for support, and expect them to take on your problems and help you “fix” them, there will be a point where you start to tax the relationship, meaning you are putting a heavy demand or pressure on them.
It’s common to go through ups and down with friends and if your friendship spans a number of years then they will inevitably help you get through some hard times. But relying fully on them to be there with solutions and strategies to get you through your most trying times can be too much pressure.
“Using a friend as a stand-in for a therapist strains the relationship. It places an unfair burden on the friend offering support and sets up a dysfunctional dynamic that isn’t healthy for either (“Your Friends Aren’t Your Therapists: How to Set Boundaries.” Newport Institute. May 5, 2023. www.newportinstitute.com/resources/mental-health/friends-not-therapists/#:~:text=When%20you’re%20struggling%2C%20it,a%20therapist%20strains%20the%20relationship.rson.”)
Preserving your relationship with your friend should be a priority and if you feel that you are relying on them too much for emotional support it may be time to look for a therapist. Sometimes they won’t tell you you’re relying on them too much, but you might notice they don’t pick up your calls as much or aren’t as active talking through your issues as they used to be.
Your friends are not trained
Your friends give you their opinions based on their background and experience. Your therapist, however, is not speaking from their personal experience, they’re guiding you from their professional education and experience.
It will be hard for friends to be objective because they care about you, and they most likely always see things from your perspective and are on your side. Their intentions are good, but it’s more beneficial for you to have someone who is neutral, looking at your situation from an outside perspective.
Even though friends can be very wise, the possibility of them projecting their beliefs and experiences onto yours are high. This is because they don’t have the training to differentiate between what is important to their experience and growth, and what’s important to yours.
When you work with a therapist there are guidelines or boundaries that are established for your time together, and more than likely that is not going to be in place for when you have conversations with friends. When things get heavy, you or your friend may go too far (into sensitive areas where you can get overwhelmed) or unintentionally cross a line (where a judgement, opinion or unkind words come out) that damages the friendship.
You are the main focus
Therapy is all about you. When you are talking things through with a friend, as their friend, you are still concerned with them and their feelings. It can be a relief not to have to think about reciprocating and being supportive to another person when you’re trying to work through your stuff. It’s not selfish to want to just focus on yourself when it comes to addressing emotional distress; it can take longer to navigate and get through it if your attention and focus is split.
Even though it’s a positive thing that it’s all about you, it can also be super uncomfortable that a conversation with your therapist is all about you. Either way, there’s a benefit.
Not only is therapy all about you, it is confidential. So you don’t have to worry about your therapist sharing what you discuss with other people in your friend group. You can feel confident that sharing your thoughts and feelings, good or bad, will not come back to haunt you later because it was leaked by someone you thought you could trust.
It is great to have good friends who are there for you when you need them, but it’s unrealistic to think they can replace the crucial role that a therapist plays.
If you truly need emotional support and help with strategies to improve your mental health, then it’s best not to put that burden on your friends. If you are ready to start working with a therapist who can provide that support you need contact us!
